His Presence

Nov. 3rd, 2015

Disclaimer: All my posts on here are my real thoughts and feelings. I'm going to be as transparent as possible, even when it makes me seem like the worst human being on the planet and you all judge me for it. 

So this is weird and I needed to share. Not even weird, just proves that God shows up even when you don't realize it. Tonight He hit me with a sneak attack and the irony is just unreal. 

So, my friend, Donald, created this group called AA, short for Asphalt Assembly (not to be confused with Alcoholics Anonymous) at the beginning of the year. His goal was to bring together all of his favorite people that he had met while in college during the first month or so. The group had good intentions, and it appeared to be a really good idea! Although to be completely honest, it scared me. It takes me a really long time to warm up to people, but Donald seemed at ease with it all. He included people into the group message that he had only met one or two times, convinced that they would be our new best friends. (I say our because Donald and I have actually been pretty close for about a year.) 

One such addition into our group message was a guy that I will call Greg for the purposes of keeping his identification a secret. I want to be clear that my intentions are not meant to bash anyone in any way. Greg was very interesting and I actually really wanted to like him. I did like him actually. He seemed insightful and nice. Unfortunately, Greg wasn't as transparent as I felt like he could've been and begun doing things that made other members of the group frustrated to the point of not wanting to be around him. It got to a really awkward point actually. You know when there's an elephant in the room, but no one will talk about it so it's just kind of there? That's how it was with Greg. And I think that's probably one of my pet peeves. Because although everyone was trying to be nice and get along, the feelings towards Greg were still like a lurking fog. Just barely visible to be over looked, but still annoying enough.

So, I did a horrible thing. I couldn't stand that people didn't even feel comfortable replying in the group message and I created another group message without Greg. Not one of my proudest moments, but I'm going to be as transparent as possible right now.

Now, here I am a few weeks later and still feeling guilty about just cutting someone off because there were definitely better options than that. Today, I even felt a tugging on my heart that instead of ignoring his existence, I should be pursuing the broken because that's what we're called to do as Christians. I was thinking about how lonely and horrible he must feel because from his perspective we were friends one day, and then didn't talk to him the next. That type of stuff hurts my heart. Fortunately this story is not about me or my mistakes. It's not even about Greg actually. 

So I had all of these thoughts about how to confront Greg about his life of sin, even though he calls himself a Christian. Then I went to Theta Bible study. And as we're going through the book of Galatians, reading Galatians 1, 2, and 3, Liz, the leader, asks me to read part of chapter 2. 

SIDE NOTE:
I love that these are called chapters, it's more fulfilling when I finish reading one because saying "I read a chapter of the Bible today" seems much less daunting than saying "I read the Bible today". 

Galatians is thick to go through. It's packed full of goodness, so I encourage you all to read it and meditate on it. There were many verses I didn't fully understand, however, there were some in particular that stood out to me because God shows up even when you don't expect it. 
Galatians 2:14 really stood out to me. It states: 
"When I saw they were not honest about the truth of the Good News, I spoke to Peter in front of them all. I said, “If you are a Jew, but live like the people who are not Jews, why do you make the people who are not Jews live like the Jews?” 

Do you see the relevance to my life yet? I sure as heck didn't until I left. 

During Bible study, I was bold enough to pick this verse out and share that it's interesting that Paul choses to confront Peter in front of the crowd because how often do we feel like confrontational people are rude or say things that are too bold in public? But Paul teaches us that it is okay to confront people as long as it is out of love. It is evident that his confrontation is out of love for Peter because instead of reprimanding him, he phrases his statement in a question. 

Why is it that I recognized this during Bible study, but didn't realize that God was literally telling me what I needed to go do? I didn't realize it until after I left. I need to be Paul in this situation and be bold. I was afraid and shying away, making excuses all day not to approach Greg about this situation when I was obviously called on by God to approach this situation head on. As much as I wanted to ignore that tugging on my heart and justify it by a long list of excuses, God wasn't going to let me. It just goes to show you that His plans will be carried out and His Kingdom will advance in His honor whether or not you're all in. Once you give up your life to Christ and tell God you're all in, His will is forever seen as above your plans for the day. 

This statement gives me hope. I know He is in control over my life. He knows what's best for me because even when I want to fight the desires of His heart, He will make Himself known until it is so obvious I have to obey. 

I haven't approached Greg yet because all of this just happened a few hours ago, but I am planning on doing so. I came into the library scared and unsure, but I am leaving with full confidence that God is in support of my confronting and that gives me the strength to do something so bold.